Sunday fun day

AirBrush_20160814202853It’s never a dull moment around my house on a sunday wakeup bumping that good old H-Town or Adina Howard as I’m cleaning the house doing laundry and getting ready for the famous Sunday dinner . Yes I know I don’t look like your typical mom but I live for every moment being a mother means the world to me I always wanted a big family and trust me I got just that . Learned a lot on my own but never in a million years did I think I’d be a single mother of five wooooo scary huh . It’s not as easy as I make it look trust me these kids can be off the hook “mom he hit me” “mom I’m hungry” “mom mom mom mom mom” gets overwhelming at times but one thing I do is keep a schedule it works out great keeping them on a routine is so much easier.  From sun up to sun down its helps keep me a Lil more organized without loosing my sanity all at once . I usually call Sunday the fun day because I give them options to run around outside or play games most of the day as I have my mommy moment around the house . We usually wine down bout 7pm have dinner which leads to baths and bed by 9pm and you know what that means I get more mommy time!!. Time for me to relax get my thoughts together for the week I’m always so busy with the boys I don’t often get time for me.

Fear of repeat

I was raised without a father I mean I knew who he was and I seen him around but he was never there in my life to know what he was missing or why I always had a frown . I always wondered what having a father was like or how it would feel for him to teach me how to ride a bike.  I’d often seen my siblings leave on the weekends and I’d sometimes ask if I could go standing there praying their dad wouldn’t say no. He took me in like I was his own but I was often reminded by my sister that he wasn’t my dad and I should go back home . I grew up searching and scrambling for the love of a man it was just to hard to believe to hard to understand why my father never loved me what did I do wrong I always kept my mouth shut even about the things that happened when I was alone . Yea I know some things are better left unsaid but then again you’ll never imagine the thoughts that constantly run through my head . Born the same day wow you would think that it would be embraced but every year he never showed up and the tears always rolled down my face . After awhile I became num to the fact that I’ll never know what true love from a father was really like I’d often get angry and so mad I just want to fight . I’ve grown into the stage of letting things go giving the situation to god because this is one thing I’ll never know but the fear of repeat is what I’m afraid of my boys growing up without that tough love . I try hard to mend things the best way I can I know it’s somethings I just can’t do and one is teach them how to be a man . Fear of repeat is one thing I’m so afraid of my boys growing up with out a father to show them real love.

Who is D’Estin

PhotoGrid_1468884008786Something I know that was asked frequently No one ever really knew who I was just of me and that’s what made it so much harder. Often people judge you off what they hear not actual facts. I was often misunderstood by so many hearing stories I didn’t even know about myself and would be surprised . I’m actually a very outgoing warm-hearted always ready to help loving person. But where I’m from I had to become this monster I wasn’t . I grew up with nothing but heartache and what seems like I wish were all bad dreams. But what i have is countless stories of battles i had to fight to get to where i am now. People often say “child you got a testimony” . But in my mind it’s still hard to believe that i actually survived so many battles even though it was many times i was ready to throw in the towel i trusted in him to get me to the next step. I lost a lot of people on my way but i guess they say everyone is like seasons some i just can’t understand and took me awhile to let go but i must say some was nothing but in my way of being great I know this step I’ve taken was for the better and I can see the success from a mile away but I got some stories to tell and a few things to say some may relate some may disagree but I want the world to know who I really am and why God chose me.