For quite sometime I’d already been ready to hit the road and move away from my hometown but always had an excuse on why I couldn’t just get up and go. One story or reason after another my kids dad didn’t want me to move or I was pregnant every other year and was scared to just go with just me and my boys alone. It took me years and years to just say ok I’m done had enough I’m to big for this small city.
I started packing up selling as much stuff as possible the summer of 2015 and as I was doing that it started to seem like lots of things had been going wrong for me the more that went wrong the more I was ready to go. Then after they announced the skating rink was closing that pretty much set the tone that was my only outlet to clear my mind around the city it seemed like. I’d gotten rid of just about as much as possible and started packing the house up boxes everywhere trying to minimize as much as I could giving things away as well. I finally gave in and said ok I’m serious I closed my salon that hit me so hard everything I invested I’d just given up on the drive was no longer there anymore with the lack of support just wasn’t in me to keep doing it.
At this point I had closed my salon house was packed and was just waiting for my kids to finish school I kept pushing it back further and further kept saying I was going to leave. Every month it was something different christmas was coming up my favorite holiday I had to get it out the way and I forced the issue staying another month again. Had worked hard 2 jobs a full-time assistant manager at Journeys and 3rd shift gig at Vera Bradley I had to get it spent about $4,000 on christmas did all I could just to see the smiles on their face that morning. See the thing is I make them wait all year for toys and big gifts I give them a party for their birthday and any and everything for christmas.
So we held on until january 16, 2016 I woke up to the smoke alarm going off I jumped up ran down stairs only to not see anything ran to the kitchen nothing was going to go back up stairs but I turned to the left and noticed flashing lights. So I walked over pushed the door and flames bussed into my face it was so much smoke I started to choke at that point I began to yell “DAD DAD get up” three of the boys was down stairs in the front room with two friends. I got them up and started to run up the stairs the two youngest were still sleeping I grabbed my babies and flew back down and out the front door after the fire department finally cleared everything and told us grab what you can I’m going to condemn this house. My heart sank knowing there was no one that was going to have our back my mind began to race where the hell were we going to go and what was I going to do only to walk in and look in the room everything I’d just got them for christmas was now gone.
I then had no choice but to mentally fix my mind and say grab a few things your time is up I grabbed my purse my phone and left at that point all roads led to Atlanta Georgia. Took me a few weeks to get my goodbyes in a few more things sorted out and my mind ready for what I was about to endure for about a month I was up and down the highway at least once a week with all five boys I took $1,000 got everybody a few outfits some shoes and things we would need right away. I had $9,000 left thinking ok ill go get a crib and in no time bounce back but nope wasn’t that easy at all hotel after hotel we stayed in for months it began to get frustrating dragging my boys around and basically living out of our vehicle. Until I looked up and my account said $4,200 I’d spent $5,000 in hotels and hundreds on food and gas I knew I had to slow it down and I tried to play it smart but me being me I kept pushing hoping and praying I would find a house soon. Looked up again a few weeks later only for my account to say $2,800 I started to panic I was spending with nothing coming in crazy I was in a place so far away so many times I said just go home and find help.
Needless to say I stayed my pride was to big to ask for help I didn’t want anyone to know what was really going on I just knew id get right soon. I finally broke down and called back home I’d found a house and gotten approved with only one issue I was short $800 so I called only to have the doors slammed in my face a good reason I didn’t want to ask. This is when I had to bite down and give all I had to god at this point I had $1,600 left not knowing when I’d make more money by this time it was april 3rd,2016 I had no child support coming in hadn’t gotten any food stamps since last november just no help at all. At this point I said ok let me budget what I did is something no mother should ever have to endure I took a few bucks got snacks filled up the truck to make sure they had things to get by went to Walmart bought a few blankets and pillows and filled up the tank and was left with $1,200.
We literally at that point lived out of the truck I’d find things for the kids to do during the day like the park or burger king play area if it was rainy while I searched for places knowing I didn’t have it all but just hoping I get approved and some way things would work out. After it would get dark I’d drive around put a movie on until they would fall asleep then it would be easy for me to pull over somewhere and get an hour or two in before I would fill up and drive around again. The worse part about that is being somewhere and you see a big light flashing only for the police to ask what you’re doing and to know you couldn’t say much beside oh I’m from out of town I got tired so I pulled over. By this time I’d looked up and my balance was damn near $400 left nowhere to go my kids asking what I was doing all the time I had to figure it out I found a few people I’d knew and was able to stay a few nights shower get cleaned up and back out to keep looking.
I’d finally realized I was getting emails about free night stays from staying in the hotels so much I had points man that was a sign of relief. I had like 4 nights free I took that and got us a room only to look and see I only had $100 left at that point I made that call to someone I knew wouldn’t ask no questions and he didn’t I didn’t tell him what I need it for I didn’t say much but hey I need your help and with no questions asked I had the money within a few hours. I broke down and knew without a doubt he was one of the realist friends I’ve ever had in my life and my return for him will be great!!!!!.
But that money didn’t last long it was gone within a few days down to my last dollars and one more night to stay in the room I started crying and my kids said mom whats wrong I just looked away feeling so empty and broken I was lost trying to figure it all out so I got up talk to my boys letting them know we were gonna be good soon they all looked at me and smiled and began to ask for stuff lol. A few days later it hit me hard I was broke no more money not very much gas I didn’t know what was next. I was driving and they were like mom we hungry and I’m like ok pulled over only to have like $4.25 in my wallet cari was crying I was frustrated I got out and had my two oldest get out so we could talk I explained to them I didn’t have enough and we had to let the babies eat first and they said ok that’s fine. As I pulled up to McDonalds I’m thinking like dang this is crazy what am I going to do. I pull over let them watch a movie and they fall asleep it was a bit of relief I was able to think for a few hours.
Only for the next morning to roll around me and the oldest still had not eaten but they were all looking at me saying mom when are we going to eat only to look at them and say I don’t know. That was one of the most heartbreaking feelings I’d ever had in my life I’d failed as a mother and had no one to blame but myself it was at that point I had to figure something out I got on my phone searching trying to find club jobs or something quick and at that point I had no choice. Found a cousin here took the kids over for a few hours and hit the club it took me about an hour to actually go out there but after sitting there knowing my kids were hungry I said skip it.
Walked out and I was trying to hide sitting in the corner didn’t want to really be seen I’d met this guy was really nice just wanted to talk I’m like ok you cool he asked me was I new I said yeah and went from there we exchanged numbers and I began to chill until he called my name it was like ok you up next I got up took a swallow and hit the stage before I knew it was 3am time to close. I ran got my things and hit the door and was in a hurry to go get my kids just so I could get them something to eat I picked them up about 4am and hit waffle house another sign of relief I started to count the money I couldn’t believe I was out there for three hours and left with around $850.
The next morning I went and got a room so we would have a place to sleep that night I started calling around until finally I called my brother I’m not sure what I’d been thinking again letting my pride get in my way. We ended up crashing there for a while and gave me a little more time to get my bread back together and back on my search I’d ran into a few people by this time did a few hosting gigs and was starting to create a little buzz nothing major. One night I run to get the kids some waffles and I met this guy lol some of you would never believe he was tall about 6″5 dark skin I mean very dark and kinda husky he stopped me and was like hey are you ok whats your name. At first I wanted to say get away from me but I talked to him and needless to say we are now very good friends and he’s been a great blessing to me and my kids.
Well things didn’t start to look up for me until around the middle of june I found another house finally talk to the lady and moved in boy oh boy it was the best feeling in the world after everything we been through loosing everything up and down the highway sleeping in my truck to not having any food to moving into a 3,000 square foot home. Yes were starting over but its only the beginning and god has something so big for me I understand now that he needed to move everything out of my way so that I could receive what he’s about to give me. Things has still been rough and I’m still working on this bounce back but I’m now stronger than I’ve ever been realizing my past taught me so many lessons and I can’t do anything but look back with nothing but forgiveness in my heart while thanking everyone I held grudges with. There’s no room for me to carry it so I’ve released it all to make room to take in my blessings he’s been placing in front of me.
As I finish this story up I can say I know so many that say they can’t do it but trust me I did and with five on my own and have no plans to ever look back I’m at peace and I feel free like my life has just began. Never give up anything is possible he gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers and that I believe and I always say they didn’t believe in me in my hometown so I had to pick up and go elsewhere.