Dangerously In Love

Have you ever been in love so deep that you’d give your all to a person not realizing that person wouldn’t give the same in return? Have you ever loved someone so deep everything that went wrong in your relationship you thought was your fault? Have you ever tried to change who you were to satisfy someone else’s needs? Have you ever put someone else first before yourself even your children thinking it was love?

After so many years of realizing it wasn’t me it was too late id have to deal with this person the rest of my life. It was an emotional roller coaster up and down back and forth it was times I wouldn’t eat couldn’t sleep my mind would constantly be racing trying to figure out the problem in my relationship. You can almost say we were separated more than we were together but the show he would put on for Facebook seemed like nothing was wrong at all. Everyone thought I was so happy and we looked so good together not realizing how small I was or the type of tears id shed at any giving moment.

The person id met was not by all means the person he had become with in a few short months id seen signs but ignored them like usual I didn’t analyze the situation at all I was so fragile at the time trying to find away out of my last relationship. He’d come to me and said “I got you ill never let him do anything to you again” hell I was so impressed it was like a night and shining armor had walked into my life and boy did he play his role had my head gone. He was doing things no man had ever done running bath water brining flowers cooking dinner taking walks he had even put a little sign in the fridge asking to marry him and talked about it all the time.

He was busy doing things like that I missed the signs for one they say the same way you get them is the same way you’ll lose them and yet it was the truth. Here I was thinking he was gods gift until his kids mother reached out decided she wanted to talk seeing how I was raising her kids I didn’t see why not yea I said I see someone can take as many pictures as they want but after the picture is taken what happens to the rest of the time. So she would stop by or call my phone quite frequently and I didn’t feel like it was a big deal until she started telling me the ends and outs and I must say it all sounded so familiar he wasn’t anything special after all the same things he did for me he did for her only thing was he hadn’t really left yet.

So moving on things still were the same for a while and I kept in touch with her to until shit started becoming more and more obvious all the Facebook tagging sending pictures to his phone random text messages them talking for long periods at a time yea I wasn’t a fool things began to get rocky. All the cheating and finding out things id just blow it off because it was an image I was so in love with showing the world how happy I was I couldn’t let anyone know it wasn’t working out and yet I ignored the signs. Id been warned about the things he had done to other females but I ignored them as well until I found my feet dangling from the ground and my kids at the top of the steps yelling and crying “please stop” or the time I was drug down a flight of stairs and out to the car only to take off as I’m holding on.

But again I ignored the signs even to the point of him not liking my son he would always get upset whenever I picked him up would yell at me telling me I was holding him to much wouldn’t let him sleep or lay with me at all. Yea my baby was a bit of a crier but he even started making me put him in a room in the crib and make him cry his self to sleep often id find myself doing this even when he wasn’t home. Id started hearing stories he was telling his friends he would put my son in the dryer when I wasn’t home to scar him but I never believed that at all. I felt the tension but tried to convince my self it was my baby I was loosing myself as a mother putting a man first and not realizing it at the time. There was a time he came in and we started fighting he’d through a set of keys that hit the wall and cut my baby in the face and as he walked out after looking at my son bleeding I then knew every feeling id felt was wrong.

Things only began to get worse at this point and I just went on with my life letting it take its course one day we were together the next he was telling the world I was a crazy monster. But the thing I didn’t understand was why he wanted someone so crazy to have his child mind-boggling huh?. We ended up braking up for good june 10 2013  and what do you know I was pregnant and down hill I went I was in position to buy a house and had been looking for a while I had gotten to sick and ended up going to stay with his mother for a while to save a little more money and find something before the baby came.

Man oh man it only got worse as the time went on he’d come by in the middle of the night popping up whenever he felt like it would lay right up under my ass only to get up and post a pic with his new girlfriend the next morning shit was crazy I honestly think I was brainless at this time. Until I got the call from the new chick crying about what he had done to her and only for the story to sound so similar I chuckled asking her what it was she wanted me to in reply she hung up after that.

Things went on and my pregnancy had gotten real it was finally time january 27 2014 I got up at 4am it was a blizzard outside didn’t feel like shoveling my truck out so got the car ready got all the kids grabbed my bag and headed to take the kids to the daycare only to get stuck in the snow for 2 hours. I was in labor stuck calling everyone I could even him until some mexican came and pulled my car out I dropped the kids off and headed to hospital. I got settled and called his mom she walked in with his sister right on time I had began to push no sign of him anywhere she cut my baby’s cord and then here he comes walking in the door.

Felt like a dark cloud had come in he didn’t stay long just enough time to get a picture and was out the door. Even though my son was his twin he still told the same story “he wasn’t his and he wanted a blood test” my emotions were threw the roof the next day after having him I had to leave the hospital the nurses thought I was crazy  and didn’t want to sign my release so I grabbed my baby packed my stuff went to the daycare picked up my other kids and went home.

Needless to say their were so many chain of events that took place over the next few years to the world I was created into this crazy bitter baby momma that I wasn’t. Id given him fame from my name bringing him to the surface now everyone wanted to join the wave to see what the ride was like not stopping to look at the bigger picture of the chain of events that was and had been taking place. No one noticed the patterns he had and how many times it changed up but all they knew was Facebook and the entertainment that was being displayed.

One thing I learned from it is that a real man would never bash the mother of his children no matter the relationship they have a real man will never give another woman the power to bring down his child’s mother or put her in harm’s way knowing she has his child or children a real man would never need Facebook or the world to justify his life by trying to gain assurance from others. Now ask yourself this I often here the bitter baby momma story but is there a such thing as a bitter baby daddy?

to be continued…………………………………………………..

D’Estin Perry

Sunday Funday


You already know what that means house work while music playing  food cooking and getting ready for the week. This week things start to get rough but the schedule will still be in place the boys got football practice dance practice and a few more extra activities not even including things I have to do. It’s almost like I look back sometimes and wonder how did I get through that week but knowing I’m blessed and put him first keeps me going.
I’ve got a great blessing in the making and still can’t believe it but I’ve always said he had something for me but just didn’t know what it was. So many doors have began to open up for me since my move and just recently I had an issue with my truck I had been trying to get it resolved. Id bought a vehicle from a janky car place in Indiana before I moved and had a few issues with getting paperwork done on it and Id been without a vehicle for a few weeks.

Can you imagine being without a vehicle living in Atlanta yea I know right it’s almost impossible. Well to make a long story short a blessing came right on time someone id met a while ago prior to moving here called me and said hey I got something I want you to see so I went by and he’d bought me a new vehicle only for me to be surprised id never had anyone do anything and not to that nature for me and my boys. So when I say blessings on top of blessings its time to take heed what he’s doing for me I’ve got a clear mind and have let go of so much negativity and I feel great about it all.

When god is showing you signs be sure not to miss them pay attention to them all and count every blessing letting go of negativity and hate will often open up more room for your blessings to have. Remind yourself daily of the value you carry and the worth you hold as well as never settling for anything or lowering your standards for your happiness. My past defines who I’ve become and how strong I am I was born to battle and won many wars and just over come the biggest battle Id thought Id had yet. Only for me to realize it was all a test  run to insure for the next season .

I feel like nothing but greatness is on its way and I’m ready to receive it all with open arms and a clear mind. Just when I thought 2016 had been the worst for  me he reminded me that it wasn’t over yet and the best was yet to come. My breakthrough is now the moment Id been living for is here and I couldn’t be more happy. So as always stay encouraged never give up and once you ask you must believe to be able to receive stay blessed everyone happy sunday.

             D’Estin Perry