Just wasn’t time yet

That moment you find out your pregnant it’s either the happiest time in your life, the scariest moment or the saddest moment. Well for me id say since I already had five what else could scare me at this point id say it was one of the happiest times in my life in the past  year. after all I’ve been through why not let some joy into my life and right away I just knew this was it IT’S A GIRL!!!!!! but seems like god had other plans. Even tho it seemed so right at the time to me it really wasn’t the right time after all with so much going on with my daily living how in the world could I manage this.

I’d already began to be tired body was killing me and even started to look a little full appetite was picking up my left breast had swollen face had started breaking out like crazy I felt like the ugliest woman walking lol. But I started having nightmares scary dreams and could never sleep through the night I was so uncomfortable already was kinda weird to be honest. So after doing my calculations and cross checking last menstrual cycle I was just a few days shy away from 5 weeks.

So knowing me I had to google Chinese Birth Chart and guess what is said? yep GIRL!!!!. So at this point it was how do I hide this long enough before I spill the beans lol I was to excited a few days go by I start having more thoughts and desires of how this would all be the best part of my life yet my family will finally be complete.

and here we go July 21st 2017, around 5:40pm id just taken a shower and was getting dressed and started to feel these crazy pains in my back that was in my stomach as well every few minutes. I kinda blew it off and finished up and as I sat down I felt a drops of blood coming down at this point it was the scariest moment in my life.

I called him asap like bae you gotta come home and even tho he worked 30 minutes from the house seems like he was there in ten minutes. we headed to the hospital got everything checked and yep there it was I was having a miscarriage my heart fell in to my stomach wishing to hear things were going to be ok. I’m just unsure how id gotten so attached so fast maybe just the mother in me I guess.

But boy the next few days were like id been run over by a bus several times back pains were killing me something id never felt before I had no appetite upset stomach and just extremely tired for about a week. even tho all pregnancy symptoms went away pretty fast it’s still that lingering question why? I’ve tried to come up with every reason in the book but still sits on my mind every once in a while.

My life is so close to being complete I have the man of my dreams my kids are amazing kids goals are on track and things are falling in to place everyday so where’s lil D’Estin?. So yep baby fever but I still have so much more to do so many goals to finish so as I take these next steps ill keep my faith and know that in due time she will be here to end the final chapter of our family soon.

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