Well its come to a point I must face reality and stop running from the fact in so many ways I’m LIKE MY MOM . Sounds crazy huh who wouldn’t want to be like their mother someone you looked up to and loved more than life itself a woman who gave you life and held your hand on your journey through child hood while sheltering you from the bad and protecting you from all evil . needless to say that’s not how my journey played out looking back on my life I can remember a few good memories but there so much bad memories its hard to find the good . I’m not sure where to start so much I always wanted to say so many questions I’ve always had just couldn’t understand where it all went wrong I guess they say raising your children starts in your home a place it seemed like my mom never was But in so many ways I find myself being LIKE MY MOM every time I look up I’m doing something just LIKE MY MOM smh drives me crazy at times only because I tried so hard not to be LIKE MY MOM Ill jump into this I grew up watching my mom in a very disturbing domestic relationship I can remember being waken up out my sleep hearing cries for help having to get up and run next door to the neighbor’s house to get help and waiting on the police to show up once again because cookie “the boyfriend ” was drunk again and beating on my mom that went on for years it seemed like until out of the blue he just went away needless to say we felt safe for the time being .we began doing more things like going skating once a week she would dress us all in the same colors and hit roller dome south boy I loved them Barbie skates couldn’t tell me nothing it was the beginning of my skating days we got older and she started being at the shop even more yeah my mom was also a cosmetologist and had her own salon right there on Pontiac St. next to a fish joint that use to be so bomb lol but it the seem like the older we got the more she was gone we use to have some weird baby sitters and strange people always watching us but them secrets are stories in them selves ill get to later if it wasn’t the shop she was at the club boy you couldn’t tell her nothing she was in all these fashion shows I can remember “fashion strut” lol and some guy name “jeff” boy couldn’t tell her nothing at all the smallest thing bouncing around with ten inch nails on and was liable to have green red blue or pink hair at any given time or day called her self “SAPPHIRE” lol I always thought that was funny id be like “girl yo fire done sat and blew out” hhehehehe but yeah as I said we got older and moved around a bit it wasn’t until this one boyfriend of hers I felt some type of strange vibe about my mom I wasn’t home the night it happened she took his side on an incident that would blow your mind if I was to tell it all I know is it changed my way of thinking at that point time went on and it was around 1995 I started dancing created a group and boy that was the start of my dancing days only thing that was missing was my mom at every show yelling and screaming like she would do for my brother when he touched the stage time went on and I still did my thang I was in the 6th grade making $400 a week braiding hair making dance outfits and anything else I could to get money just to go shop and have the latest I never did understand how my mom was at work 24/7 and stayed fly but let me ask her for something yea alright by the time I was 14 I was doing whatever I wanted had a boyfriend house full of friends whenever I wanted left the house whenever I wanted never had to worry about much hell my mom wasn’t home and we lived in one of the livest spots right next to burger dairy by Macmillan park shit really didn’t get to ugly until I she went in room one day and read my diaries and boy the plot thickened lol I would always write down everything I did lmbo boy I can remember woooooo the problem was instead of coming to me she took them work and let all her customers read them as well that began a war between us at that point a war that’s gone on still till this day now that’s just a slight intro to how deep things were but here goes nothing …………..
As a kid I grew up angry feeling out of place at first I felt different always wondering why I didn’t have the same face or the same skin complication as my sister or my brother realizing as time went on it was just me I look just like my mother I always felt like the outcast like I never got enough attention question after question always ran through my mind where were you all those years its nothing like waisted time I can remember when I was five I got hit by a semi truck yeah sounds crazy huh just my luck but how did it happened how did you not get struck you were holding my hand as they started yelling here comes a truck but suddenly your were missed and I was drug 3 blocks down the street I can recall looking down as I seen your feet but you were standing there crying as mary was holding me why didn’t you hold me close and grab me not knowing if it was my time you didn’t know but I feel like you loved me a little bit but could let me go it was times I tried to tell you things and you would say no not now maybe later you always had hair to do or get ready for a show you didn’t even realized I was being molested by the baby sitter because you were in such a hurry and always had to go it took so many years to get over it and just let it go I knew you would never listen so I kept it bottled up inside along with the rest of the secrets I always had to hide until one day I had to get that shit off my chest battle after battle I had to fight with you as I got older trying to figure out what it was with you and why shit was so out-of-order it seemed like you wanted to be my friend and not my mother the whole time I’m looking for guidance love and closure so I could mend the past and move forward but I can remember like it was yesterday my life took a turn for the worse all hell broke loose it seemed like an evil curse you took my business to the streets and as my mother I can never understand why you didn’t just talk to me from that point on the monster was created the streets did me bad all from someone who was supposed to love and protect me I was then FORT WAYNES MOST HATED I was the talk around town I felt like everywhere I went they were pointing and laughing at me like I was a clown everything about me was destroyed and I didn’t even see it coming didn’t even give me the chance to decide if I really wanted to be with a woman you told the world before I even knew and the battle I had to fight after that man you have no clue the hate in my heart was at it’s all time high and still to this day I just want to know why why did you do it why didn’t you talk to me I was your daughter your last child your baby I never finished high school I couldn’t even tell you what prom was like hell everyday I almost had to fight I was being called a dike left and right crying myself to sleep every night it drove me insane mentally I felt like a monster inside there was nowhere I could go nowhere I could hide wishing the shit would go away until that day I got fed up this bullying shit had messed my head up I just wanted things to end I sat there and I counted pill after pill taking them again and again I got to 50 and said ok this should be enough I felt the pains in my stomach hour after hour as it started to burn I tried to keep it a secret but I suddenly got scared and told brittany what i did she started yelling for help cause she knew this shit was big manda came running and they put me in the car flying down town I thought that was over for me thinking what have I done my vision had got so blurry and I began to get weak everything seemed numb from my face down to my feet I was in a coma for weeks that could a been the end for me but god told me hold on there was more for me to see even after the fact I made it through that crazy mess there was still a long life scar id always wear on my chest life went on even tho I never returned home after the age of 14 there’s still so many scars and open wombs of a battle I’ve had to fight all my life with unanswered questions and sad memories which leaves me to believe why I always said I don’t want to be LIKE MY MOM and before I go ill say this I do hair LIKE MY MOM I owned my salon LIKE MY MOM I was in a domestic relationship for years LIKE MY MOM I change my hair often LIKE MY MOM I wear glasses LIKE MY MOM I wear rings on every finger LIKE MY MOM my ears are pierced over ten times LIKE MY MOM I know how to sew LIKE MY MOM I like short light skin guys LIKE MY MOM I wear my eyebrows real thin LIKE MY MOM I’m short and slender LIKE MY MOM you get the point yet i grew up without my mom just LIKE MY MOM