The 8 year bid

I use to often tell myself if I would have never gone out that night my life could have been a lot different in so many ways but today I’m thankful for making it through and being taught so many lessons.

February 22,2005 my life changed in so many ways I wasn’t prepared for me and my friend went out one night to have a few drinks seen a few guys sitting at the bar that asked us if we wanted drinks we were young at the time and guys buying drinks was a plus to us. We had just walked in and said let me go to the bathroom well be right back came back the drinks had been ordered and waiting at that moment that would be the last things I could remember about that after a few sips. I’d had a black out with no recollection of what happened the rest of the night after waking up the next morning me and my friend were trying to figure what had took place.

Being that we were drinkers we would party like crazy one drink wouldn’t have done that needless to say we went on about the next day laughed it off like we must have had a good night and left it at that. At the time I was dealing with a good friend and was getting pretty serious at least I thought kicking it pretty tough creating a slight buzz around the city nothing major. About a month went by and I’d started getting really sick you know how that was about to go off goes the green light here comes baby number 2. I’d already had a 1-year-old son his dad was in prison and pretty much out of the picture so the single mother life had already began for me at the age of 21. So time goes on and everyday I’m trying to figure out how to tell my guy friend that I was pregnant finally broke down and gave him that call and you know how dat goes when you’re not official or have a label.

As I told him his first response “THAT’S NOT MY BABY” at first I got quite like what? then proceeded to talk about the situation so sure that yes it is. Time went on and we left it as I’ll prove it to you. Months went by we didn’t have very much contact I was kinda upset about the fact he didn’t believe what I was telling him so time went on and about 7 months in I get a weird phone call asking me to come over he wanted to talk. I get up shoot by the house and he says hey come in have a seat asked was I hungry and began to ask how I’d been we started talking and he says so do you remember that night I met you at the bar with your home girl?. Boy when I tell you my heart started racing I’m like yeah why he said them drinks wasn’t right but I know thats my baby. when I tell you I broke down like a baby I got up ran out the door and left. I had no choice but to call my friend and let him know as I’m crying he’s like what’s the problem is the baby ok? I break it down to him as I’m apologizing but also in disbelief.

Ladies when I say that next month in a half was one of the most longest 6 weeks ever in my life the feeling of uncertainty is very unbearable I’m not sure how woman do it but me I didn’t think I could live with my self at that point. Here I was possibly pregnant by a complete stranger and not the guy I’d been dealing with for months and that it self was mind-boggling. Here it was october 29,2006 my friend had called and said come by its late I’m in bed crazy me I get up at 2am in the morning to drive all the way from Dupont rd to the south side smh the crazy things I use to do. Only to get there tired and I started feeling stomach pains and had to drive all the way back home after the argument because I was leaving. I get to Clinton st and saint joe as I’m driving my water broke I smashed on home grabbed my bag and drove to Dupont. Wasn’t there long pushed about 4 times and here he comes I’ve got my eyes closed as the doctors handing him to me. I asked Leah as I’m crying what he look like is his eyes blue only for her to say “NOPE” all I could do was say omg!!! the doctor handed him to me I pulled dat lip back and there was the gap.

I think I waited about 2 weeks after I got home to call him and let him know hey I’ve got your son and then it all began. I’ve always been the type if we have kids I want to be with the father I’d rather raise the kids together so I made that choice to jump on that roller coaster and that was one hell of ride I went on. All the cheating fussing fighting having to fight woman in the streets as well as fight a battle within my self to leave the unhealthy relationship.

It took awhile for me to finally reach my braking point I can recall going to the club one night with my friends the old club V and seeing him in there we weren’t talking at the time I’d caught him cheating a week before this. So I see him and he immediately says your leaving with me tonight I’m like oh here you go his favorite thing was to show out in front of his friends as he’s drunk falling over I’m like ok. We leave get to the house kids are sleeping my little sister was still up and all of a sudden he starts yelling typical he’d always do that when he’s drunk he would drink to the point of no return and I see he had it honest his father was an alcoholic so it ran deep in his blood.

Before I knew it I’d waken up but thought I was still dreaming because to my knowledge I was awake the problem was I couldn’t see I’d lost my eye sight. I sat up in the bed and started touching my face I was in so much pain and could feel lumps in my head and the puffiness from my face he’d beat me to the point I was unconscious. I ended up in the hospital and everyone kept asking what happened all I heard everyone saying was dang who did it his reply her friends she was with but knowing I’d left with him was the crazy part. I can remember the doctor coming in asking did I need the police and telling me I’d be ok but he wasn’t sure if I’d ever see again I had to do further testing. I left there with a broken nose and something I can’t remember was damaged inside my eyes and yes I stayed.

It took about 3 months I think maybe less after all the steroids and others things my sight had returned my vision is horrible now and every so often I’d get these headaches in my eyes but the fact that I lived was the most important. Time went on and not too much changed every time I said I was done I’d always end up right back  July 1,2008 yep here comes baby number 3 and I was still hanging in there until about late november 2008. I pull up mid day he’s with his friends had clearly been drinking that was normal for some reason we got to arguing at this point I’m like skip this I’m outta here as I’m walking to my car he comes up picks me up and slams me in the middle of the street like it was a WWE match smh I was 6 1/2 months pregnant my other 2 kids in the car. My body goes into shock I’d had a seizure after hitting my head on the ground I was told by his friends at least.

I was picked up and taken in the house but don’t understand why they left me on the couch for a few hours they said they thought I was sleep I guess that’s the outcome when you have been drinking not being very alert. Needless to say I ended up at park view after waking up id had a stroke and was paralyzed on my right side and I was told by the doctors id never walk again. Yeah shitting me I was thinking but can you imagine being almost 7 months pregnant not able to move within a blink of an eye? yeah that was me. I did therapy about 5 weeks and begged the doctors everyday to let me go home I ended up being sent home in a wheel chair and out-patient care but I wasn’t going to settle for that id been through hell and high water I was too determined to give up id been working hard and started to regain my feeling back and was back on my feet. Left a little damage to my knee but in all I was able to push when my son was born and again I lived.

So time passed by the fighting didn’t stop the drugs didn’t stop nore did the drinking until finally I said I’m done it took that one last time and my son to yell at him daddy stop why you always hitting my mommy. The pain in his eyes seemed like the same pain id had growing up and that was it it was the end of november 16,2010 we were no longer together but he always seemed to find his way to my house went on and on until january 1,2011 here comes baby number 4. that was the icing on the cake and the last time wed ever been that close again!!! I’d met someone else by this time and was trying to move on only to find out he had twins on the way a month before they were born but that’s another story Ill get back to. So I had my boy and a few weeks later I’d finally told him I moved on I’d reached my braking point and that what we had come to an end.

I could go on and on about the after math but to share what I have is more than enough and I’d like to take the time to say Ladies if you’re in a domestic relationship get out and get out now you may believe its love but love doesn’t hurt it’s very unhealthy not only for you but if you have children for them as well I lived you may not!!!

   D’Estin Perry

15 thoughts on “The 8 year bid”

  1. Your transparency and vulnerability are phenomenal!! This small window into your world is welcomed. Thank you. Keep pushing, keep striving!! Those young men are counting on you!! Solidarity sister!!

    1. It’s not about giving you what you want it’s about releasing what I have and hopefully touching the next I didn’t release for a show I came to change lives thank you I appreciate the love

  2. D it takes a STRONG WOMEN to tell her story and share it with those who have been or who are in an abusive relationship and feel like there’s no hope if you can reach just one person you have done your part to help I’m proud of you!

  3. Never knew what you been through. Your story encourage me to do better and become more successful. Thank you for telling your story. I wish I would of heard your testimony two year ago. It would of save me from my abusive relationship. Thank you

  4. I have always admired you! I am thankful for you making it out of that situation to tell about it. You are a wonderful woman and mother. God Bless You.

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